Monday, April 23, 2012

Dr. Hope and Joe Economy

The Setting: A few years ago Joe Economy was very sick.  He had ingested toxic assets and suffered a painful bubble burst.  His physician Dr. Bushwack had not done a very good job attending to Joe but now Joe had a new doctor, Dr. Hope, who promised Joe’s family that he would soon return Joe to good health.

Nurse: Doctor, the patient doesn’t look so good.
Dr. Hope:  That’s not a problem.  I am Dr. Hope and I am here to change things!

Nurse:  So you’ve treated many patients like Joe before?
Dr. Hope: Actually Joe is the first patient I’ve ever dealt with, but how difficult can it be? In addition, I did sleep in a big, white, mansion last night.

Joe: Help me, Dr. Hope
Dr. Hope:  The problem is that you are just laying there, Joe.  We need to get you up off the bed and get you stimulated!  Now get over here and grab this shovel and look as if you are about to dig a hole.
Joe: How is this going to help?
Dr. Hope:  If people see you digging holes, then they will start digging holes and then they will load and dump dirt all over the place and you will get better.  That is my aspiration!
Joe: I don’t think you know your aspiration from a hole in the ground, but I will give it a try.

Dr. Hope: See, it’s good being stimulated. Isn’t it?
Joe: I still don’t feel so good. I think I better lie back down. Oh no.

Nurse: The patient has just dumped a load in his britches. What should I do now?
Dr. Hope: Change!

Nurse: Dr. Hope, your patient isn’t getting better.
Dr. Hope: Oh no, he’s not my patient; he is Dr. Bushwack’s patient. And it’s DR. Bushwack’s fault that Joe’s not getting any better.  Dr. Bushwack was a terrible doctor and the failure of any of my actions will be and will ever continue to be, Dr. Bushwack’s fault.

Joe: Help me Dr. Hope.
Dr. Hope:  What you need to do now Joe is to go get your clunker of a car, drive it to the car dealership and trade it in for a brand-new.
Joe:  But my car isn’t a clunker and I don’t have the money for a new one. I don’t think this is going to work.
Dr. Hope: No problem Joe, here’s a stack of cash to help buy the new car. When people see everybody buying cars, this will motivate them to buy more stuff. And when they buy more stuff, you are going to start to feel great.
Joe:  Okay I bought the car and that was fun, but I don’t feel so good now. Oh no.
Nurse: Joe just cashed some clunkers in his shorts.  What should I do?
Dr. Hope: Change!
Nurse: Your patient, I mean Dr. Bushwack’s patient, still looks very weak.  What now doctor?

Dr. Hope: Joe, get up over here and hold this solar panel.
Joe: Why?
Dr. Hope:  It will show people that you are working in a green job.  Green jobs are great because they put people to work and stop global warming.
Joe:  Okay, I’ll hold this thing, but you do realize it’s cloudy today and this thing isn’t going to provide much energy.
Dr. Hope: Nurse, shine some lights on Joe so it looks like it’s sunny.
Joe:  This seems a bit like an artificial stimulus.
Dr. Hope: Just keep smiling and go green Joe.  Here’s another truckload of greenbacks to create even more green jobs.
Joe: I still not feeling so hot. Oh no.
Nurse: Your patient, I mean the patient, has just created some global warming in his pants and it looks like he’s gone green! What now?
Dr. Hope: Change!
After all his actions failed to improve the health of the patient, Dr. Hope stopped trying to stimulate the patient. Joe, now with rest and the proper medication, began to heal naturally.  He started to feel better on his own, his recovery had begun.  He got up from his bed and started to slowly move forward.
Joe:  I’m feeling better now.  It’s time for me go.
Dr. Hope: Look! My patient is healed! My recovery plan worked!
Joe: Whatever. I think I’ll just be moving along now.
Dr. Hope: Let me give my patient a big hug.
Joe: Please keep your *$!% hands off of me!
And at this Joe started moving ahead even faster.
Dr. Hope: Look at him go! I’m an excellent doctor after all!

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